Great article, I’ve realized that many men in my life couldn’t articulate their needs and instead went to the gym, feeling irritated. From my side, I felt that they weren’t opening up, and I wanted more action and openness from them. But what I’m learning now is that it’s really about in-the-moment communication. It’s not something I’ve truly seen modeled in my life or inherited in any way. It’s a learning process, and it’s great to see you writing about it from a man’s perspective.
By the way it is a woman who asked me to write on that topic, because she was struggling about vulnerability with men and wondering why it was so different.
Of course we are really different, because éducation, social pressure etc.
It is very interesting to show this.
Btw, some men (I hope myself), are able to be vulnerable and talk about themself more to find flee strategies.
Intimacy is not you play this role and I'll play that role, and if we stay like this, were good. That is, well, role playing. It is something more like being more of who you each are, which is fluid and can come as a surprise. You're on to something here.
What I appreciate most about this piece is the maturity of perspective it carries.
It acknowledges something that many discussions about generosity and reciprocity miss… that the loop between intention, perception, and outcome is rarely clean. We give something with care or conviction, yet what returns is filtered through someone else’s context, wounds, expectations, or needs. The result can feel like a distortion of what was originally offered.
Your framing doesn’t fall into the common traps of cynicism or moral superiority. Instead, it holds space for a more difficult truth… that both people in the exchange are often acting from their own internal logic, even when the outcome feels misaligned or painful.
I think what you’re describing touches something fundamental about human relationships: reciprocity isn’t just about the act itself, but about shared interpretation. When two people are operating with different maps of meaning, even sincere gestures can become misread signals.
What resonated with me most was the quiet implication that maturity isn’t found in perfectly managing these exchanges, but in recognizing their complexity. It asks us to loosen our grip on the expectation that what we give will always come back in the form we intended.
That doesn’t make generosity pointless. If anything, it makes it more conscious.
It shifts the question from “Will this be returned the way I expect?”
to something deeper:
“Is this still the right thing for me to give?”
Thank you for writing something that treats this dynamic with nuance rather than judgment. Pieces like this help expand the conversation beyond the simple scripts we often inherit about fairness, obligation, and emotional exchange.
Great article, I’ve realized that many men in my life couldn’t articulate their needs and instead went to the gym, feeling irritated. From my side, I felt that they weren’t opening up, and I wanted more action and openness from them. But what I’m learning now is that it’s really about in-the-moment communication. It’s not something I’ve truly seen modeled in my life or inherited in any way. It’s a learning process, and it’s great to see you writing about it from a man’s perspective.
Thank you.
By the way it is a woman who asked me to write on that topic, because she was struggling about vulnerability with men and wondering why it was so different.
Of course we are really different, because éducation, social pressure etc.
It is very interesting to show this.
Btw, some men (I hope myself), are able to be vulnerable and talk about themself more to find flee strategies.
world is changing but slowly
Truly a great article. It resonates in many ways with my own experience. It describes both perspectives very well without criticism or judgment.
I appreciate your contribution to making these dynamics visible and easier to understand.
Looking forward to the next article.
Thank you a lot.
It is not an easy subject. I am glad someone ask me to think about it, and to write about it.
We can see that even ordinary things in relationship, must be questionned, and that we can have a look at, with empathy.
Intimacy is not you play this role and I'll play that role, and if we stay like this, were good. That is, well, role playing. It is something more like being more of who you each are, which is fluid and can come as a surprise. You're on to something here.
What I appreciate most about this piece is the maturity of perspective it carries.
It acknowledges something that many discussions about generosity and reciprocity miss… that the loop between intention, perception, and outcome is rarely clean. We give something with care or conviction, yet what returns is filtered through someone else’s context, wounds, expectations, or needs. The result can feel like a distortion of what was originally offered.
Your framing doesn’t fall into the common traps of cynicism or moral superiority. Instead, it holds space for a more difficult truth… that both people in the exchange are often acting from their own internal logic, even when the outcome feels misaligned or painful.
I think what you’re describing touches something fundamental about human relationships: reciprocity isn’t just about the act itself, but about shared interpretation. When two people are operating with different maps of meaning, even sincere gestures can become misread signals.
What resonated with me most was the quiet implication that maturity isn’t found in perfectly managing these exchanges, but in recognizing their complexity. It asks us to loosen our grip on the expectation that what we give will always come back in the form we intended.
That doesn’t make generosity pointless. If anything, it makes it more conscious.
It shifts the question from “Will this be returned the way I expect?”
to something deeper:
“Is this still the right thing for me to give?”
Thank you for writing something that treats this dynamic with nuance rather than judgment. Pieces like this help expand the conversation beyond the simple scripts we often inherit about fairness, obligation, and emotional exchange.
Thank you for sharing 🩵